What is an ethical will, and should you record one?

A legal will says who gets the house. An ethical will says why the house mattered. It’s an old idea, a letter of values, stories and hopes written for the people who come after you, and it has nothing to do with lawyers.

What goes in an ethical will

There’s no form to fill in. Most people include some of these:

• Stories: where the family came from, the day you met your partner, the job that changed your life.
• Values: the two or three things you’d want them to carry. “Call people back.” “Be the one who brings the bread.”
• Thank-yous: specific ones, to specific people.
• Hopes: for each person, not instructions. “I hope you keep singing in the car.”
• Forgiveness: asked for, or given.

How it differs from a legal will

	Legal will	Ethical will
Decides	Who gets what	Nothing; it shares
Written by	You, with an attorney	You, however you like
Format	A signed document	A letter, a recording, a video
Legally binding	Yes	No

An ethical will is not a legal document and doesn’t replace one. If you’ve got wishes about property, put them in your will with an attorney.

Why video works well

Writing an ethical will from a blank page is hard. Talking is easier. Sit near a window, pick one story, and tell it to one person by name. A minute on camera carries your voice, your face and the way you laugh at your own jokes. No letter can do that.

You don’t have to do it in one go. Record a message for each person. Record another next year.

Where to keep it

With your plan, where it will reach the right people at the right time. iyawt keeps private video messages safe and delivers each one to the person it’s for, only if you can’t be there. See how we keep messages safe.

A place to start

The prompts for your grandchildren are written for exactly this kind of message. Pick one.